• Lara Flanagan

Bloody Kevin

Bloody Kevin

‘Twas not long, in lovely Tenterfield, that the kids and I had dwelled,

We had our little cottage, there was only one thing from us withheld.

The cottage had a lemon tree planted by Pa Jack,

But I felt it needed a puppy running out the back.

The kids and I were city slickers, only new to country life.

Surely a little puppy would not get us into strife.

Our next-door neighbour Noddy, was the salt of this good earth.

He thought we were barmy, about us he would say strewth.

When I was getting my chook house ready – it really was a mission.

He asked if it was the Hilton and if the chooks would have a television.

Despite his doubts about our city ways, he got us six bantam hens

He brought them to us in a cage and I suspect he said amen.

Surely we had done enough, no need to go full hog.

But I told him I was not finished yet, we now needed a family dog.

We looked high and low for a treasured pup, I had a thing for Border Collies.

But a dog I simply could not find, it seemed this search was one more folly.

Finally one evening, just after the Tenterfield Show.

I was having a drink at the Royal and someone they did know.

Of a station down in Emmaville that had some dogs, at least one too many,

They were good dogs, being given away for not even but a penny.

The next morning the kids and I headed south in our city car.

To get our treasured puppy, it really was not very far.

We arrived at the station and it seemed that all hell broke loose.

There were dogs, and sheep, it was raining, there was even a mad goose.

And from the shed through the mud and rain, there came a dog that seemed possessed

And I knew then in an instant, that this was our dog, I could have guessed.

His eyes were mad, one brown one blue, he seemed to like to jump

He covered us with mud, and for a moment I was stumped

I could not leave this dog behind, you see they’d named him Bullet

Because if we didn’t take him, his life would end, I had to do it.

I told the kids, that that lightning rod that had covered us with mud.

Was our new dog, they looked at me, and I wondered what I had done.

The farmer’s wife, dropped the dog to home the very next day

The Koolie with his crazy markings, he eyed us off and I did pray.

That he would find a happy home with the chooks and kids and me,

I loved him yet, with his blue merle coat, I knew the kids would agree

That with this dog our little home would become our tiny heaven

Then Archie said in a voice out loud, Mummy let’s name him Kevin.

Noddy stuck his head over the fence and checked out all the fuss

“Did I just hear his name is Kevin, that’s bloody ludicrous”

I looked at Noddy and patted Kevin on the head

“Noddy, it’s a good name for him, he was almost close to dead.”

I told Noddy we were going to walk him, every day down by the creek

I asked him if I could walk his working dog Nell, he looked at me as if a freak.

He was a little gobsmacked, then laughed so hard he lost control,

He walked away and told me he’d never heard of a working dog going for a stroll

Early the next morning the kids and I set off with Kevin and Nell

It wasn’t long before everything simply went to hell

Both dogs were useless on a leash and as we crossed Rouse Street

I realised that Nell, well Nell…….. she was on heat.

We were just behind The Corner, that swank café in the centre of town

When Kevin must have got the scent, and he began to run around

Then suddenly he mounted Nell with enthusiasm from behind

I was struck with horror and wished that I was completely blind.

The kids looked at Nell and Kevin, then at me with consternation

The time had come for me to start their sexual education.

Just as I was dealing with my two kids who were completely shocked

I saw that Kevin and Nell…. well Kevin and Nell were locked.

I said to Kevin, bad dog, bad dog but he ignored me that’s for sure.

He was attending to his task with Nell with a certain zest and fervour

I rang my mum for some advice, “Mum, what the hell is it, that I do?

Kevin is locked with Nell, in the centre of town, I am really in the poo.”

She laughed out loud and asked me, you grab a fire hose?

But then she mused quite slowly, there probably is no hose there I suppose?

She hung up, laughing so hard at me, that I think she nearly choked

She told me all that was left to do was wait it out, about this, she didn’t joke.

While the dogs circled, joined at the hips, in the centre of the town,

Several utes passed by us, there were hoots, and yells, I was a clown.

What seemed like a lifetime later, Kevin finally finished the job

He and Nell separated, he acted like a doggy heart throb.

We all walked home, subdued with our heads bowed very low.

The kids were shocked, I was gobsmacked, but Kevin was aglow.

We returned home and took Nell back to next door

Noddy was right, a working dog on a stroll was simply not what for.

The next six weeks were tragic because Noddy passed away.

His funeral was a very awful day.

One day after the funeral, patting Nell I thought she has gotten fat.

Maybe those walks were good for her, I never considered that

Her tummy was growing larger, because she was now in pup.

Then one afternoon, I heard Noddy’s nephew, it made my ears perk up.

Nell had had some puppies, he said out loud, “thank god Noddy is in heaven”

Because I know what he would say and that is Bloody Kevin.”

The kids and I raced next door and saw that Nell had had a litter.

Six gorgeous little puppies - to me they could not be any cuter.

Five of them were Border Collies, they looked just like their mum.

But one of them, had crazy markings, one eye blue, one was brown.

Now our cottage is quite complete

Our yard is filled with crazy feet.

We now have Kevin and his daughter Rosie

With our chooks and Rooster, our world is cosy.

Our little cottage was starting to look a lot like heaven

And every time I looked at him, I simply said Bloody Kevin.

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