• Lara Flanagan

Start the day with something beautiful

Updated: Feb 28, 2020

We have finally moved back home.  With the school holidays and Archie and Rissie being away, I could unpack at my leisure and when the going got tough, I skedaddled back to Momma and Phil’s house for a break.  We have redesigned the house so that Archie and Rissie have their own rooms.  I am now getting used to their doors slamming and notes on their doors saying things like, “Private, knock before you come in.”  Of course, I can’t resist a snoop when they are in the shower or otherwise occupied.  Why on earth would anyone want to put a note on their door, unless they had something to hide?

Before we left I began to grasp the process of minimalism.  The whole concept is about focussing on less things and more experiences.   Keeping life as simple as you can.   It was also really kick-started by a rather desperate need to raise travel funds for my rather unplanned overseas backpacking adventure.   Unpacking was a bit like a lucky dip at the show really.  My brain has been muddled lately and I could not really remember what I had kept myself.  I knew that I had sold a lot of things but I also knew that I had left myself with what I needed.

Turns out that is just the case.  I have exactly what I need.  My house seems less cluttered and feels just right.  Moving back home was a slightly jarring experience, in that initially, I played around with an elaborate process of denial.  In a way everything was so different, but it was all so familiar.  It was very easy for a little while, to pretend nothing had happened. This little game didn’t do me any favours apart from turning me momentarily back into a fucking nutcase again.

So, life is ready to go back to normal, though I wonder at times, is anything ever normal and what the hell is normal anyway?   I find I have less patience for trivialities and increasingly like my own company.  When I first returned to Tenterfield after saying farewell to Tiney in Brisbane I had an overwhelming urge to sell up and move on.  Though to be honest I could not think where I wanted to be.  To be honest I didn’t want to be anywhere.

I promised myself that I would not make any major decisions or do anything rash for 6 – 12 months and 3 months on, I find that I am happy in my little cottage in Tenterfield and there is no place I would rather be.  I love my life in the country and I know that I am not a city girl anymore.

I find that a lot of my priorities have changed.  I focus on what is important to me and that is about all I can focus on.  My kids, my family, my dogs, good friends and work.   Every day I continue to start the day with something beautiful.

It was funny, after Tiney died, in one of our endless discussions, my brother John told me to keep starting the day with something beautiful.  We might have been talking about faith or something, I can’t quite remember. I do remember being jealous of his faith and his conviction that Tiney was at peace.  We might have been talking about religion or my lack of faith, but John told me that I did have faith.  By doing what I did every morning.

By starting the day with something beautiful that was faith.  Seeing beauty in the world around me, in the things that surrounded me.  In the mystical and magic.  In the tiny and exquisite.  In the everyday and almost mundane.

I truly do believe the world is beautiful just like I believe in the power of hope.

We are back home, now.  Back in our cottage in the country, continuing to start the day with something beautiful and it is a lovely place to be.

#Grief #MyStories #BrokenHeart #Hope #MyNotes

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